Pink Slip (For my appliances)

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Dishwasher. Well, what can I say. You have been a thorn in my side since we moved in. Your credentials were awesome (bigger, built-in) but you haven’t lived up to your resume. From the beginning you have been a watering-pot, retaining water and flooding the kitchen floor. Since then your performance has just gone down hill. Every dish must be scrubbed to sparkling, but after a trip in your depths, still has food clinging to it. In spite of the training seminars and cleanings that you have received, you just aren’t fitting in with the company.

Please consider this your two week notice.

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Fridge, oh Fridge. You have been with the company for many, MANY years. Your in put has been valuable to the house and the running thereof, but you are going to crap on us eventually. Even in the beginning you were dirty and smelled funny. We have decided to hire a replacement. You will still be with us, just in the garage, housing moldy leftovers and ice-cream cakes that won’t fit in your replacement. Please consider this your retirement.

You have been given two weeks notice.

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Due to your recent flagrant abuse of company and state laws, you are being fired. Effective immediately. We have a no-leaking tolerence policy. Please clean out your desk and leave the premises immediately, with a security escort. No reference will be given. We are very disappointed Garbage Disposal.

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It is with heavy heart that we announce the demise of our beloved Mill&Mix wheat grinder. She is well over 35 years old and has served the company faithfully. We can never replace you! There will be a candlelight vigil on Feb 20 at 8pm in her memory. Please join us for Whole Wheat bread in the break room in her memory. Please no cards or flowers. Donations will be accepted for the “Home for New Wheat Grinders” fund, by our CEO.

Good thing our tax return was enough to pay off my student loan and the replacement of all these appliances….

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